MC: Is it easy to talk about your sexuality when you have breast cancer?

Catherine Adler-Tal *: No. Many women are reluctant to talk about it, but are delighted to be given a pole in consultation, to talk about the troubles related to their intimacy.

Not to mention the question of fertility and early menopause, induced by some treatments, traumatic for very young women. Through the battered body, the image of the self in its entirety is at stake. Beyond the mourning of this breast, and the pleasure and eroticism associated with it, we must do that of the image of the body. "From before".

And take the time to accept yourself before showing yourself to the other. No question of adding violence.

What are the fears expressed by the women concerned?

The partner's eyes worry a lot - they tend to think in their place. Focused on the scar, hair, eyelashes and hairs that fall, they have difficulty believing, even if they tell him, that the desire of their men can remain intact. But we must believe them!

They are often more pragmatic: the essential thing is not the missing breast, but to keep the woman they love alive. Few women leave their spouses.

When couples went well before illness, men do not leave. But if nothing happens for months, the couple can be weakened, for lack of dialogue.

How to maintain the link when the body is exhausted?

We must talk to each other! Adapt to the pace of the other ... And accept the inevitable shift. Left to sleep with a T-shirt for a few weeks, if the other is afraid to face the scar. Attention also, even if fatigue and lack of desire are felt, to maintain the sensual pleasure of being together and touching, even without penetration, to be attentive to the pleasure of the other, with caresses, kisses, hugs ...

Asking women to make an effort to reinvent physical intimacy may seem unfair, given the violence that is already done to them. But after struggling for life, it's crucial to get up and go beyond that experience to do something else.

And reinvent his sexuality. Sex is sometimes a "highway" too marked. We are afraid of small roads. Crossing breast cancer can be an opportunity to borrow the "national", cross roads ...

(*) Onco-psychologist at the association Etincelle.