We all remember words spoken by our parents, who marked us, little ones. And one of us has never given her child one of those murderous little phrases one evening. When one is at the end of arguments, one slips, one no longer controls his words one regrets after. We can not imagine the impact of these parental awards on children who can sometimes be "stuck" by them. For even our rebellious teenagers listen to us more than we think.

These unfortunate words are not always simply "correctable" by a word of excuse. If they come back as a leitmotiv, they sometimes reveal a form of rejection of the child , a suffering or a frustration of the parent , or even an unresolved problem of his own childhood. Perhaps then it is necessary to speak to a shrink. But do not dramatize either. Most of these slippages are not irreparable. Once the "shot" has passed, we have a thousand opportunities to take up, to nuance , to return with the child on these words , explaining. Florilège and decryption of some of these little sentences that kill ...

"You are like your father!"

By accusing the child of the same defects as his father, you are exonerating yourself from what is wrong, you denigrate the father and your child at the same time. But to build, he needs to be proud of both parents. It is better to encourage him to "copy" rather his qualities.

- Your sister is doing well, she!

You try to stimulate your son's self-esteem by exciting competition with his sister. Fraternal rivalry exists, and therefore no need to accentuate it! The depreciation in relation to it more often has the opposite effect. Even if we compare them, it is better to introduce the positive. For example: "Listen, to each one his qualities. She's good in French, you're good at music. But you could still do it. French is a strong coefficient at the ferry. "

- Me at your age..

Followed by a "... I had plenty of boyfriends" or, variant, "... I worked every weekend"! By starting your thoughts as well, you impose yourself as the only model ! Many parents charge the child to narcissistically fill them and expect him to be the ideal child , that is to say, similar to them. The " I, at your age " denies the difference of generations , is to forget that in our time children did not do the same things at the same age and did not have the same education .

"The boys are all the same!"

This negative warning against the opposite sex is not the best passport to convey to start a woman's life. Especially since this message often includes the adolescent's spouse and parent. Instead of presenting the other sex as a priori dangerous, it is better to encourage her daughter to set her limits and to be respected . Talk to him about certain risks of commitment , the conditions of a lasting love ...

- I do not want to see you anymore!

By making him feel he is a burden to you, you renounce, somewhere, your role as a parent . While it is his behavior that exasperates you, you put on an emotional level a problem of education . It is painful for him to think that what he does can put your love back into question. He needs that guarantee, whatever happens. As for the insults , it is better to avoid the words of rupture . Say, if you're at it: "I'm too angry, I do not want to talk to you anymore, we'll talk about it later."

"What will you do with you?"

You devalue him and make him feel embarrassed. As if it were not his responsibility to find the solutions of his life. You want him to assume, but imply that you alone are the masters of his future. It would be better to say to him: "It is for you that you work and not (only) to please us. You have to and you will progress, you are trusted. "

- Your teacher is nil!

It discredits a competing authority and challenges it in the eyes of the child. If he does not respect his educator, he loses one of his "engines" to work. That said, you have the right to be angry with a professor for his incompetence or his procedures. One who is systematically absent every Monday morning, for example, has enough to annoy and it is difficult to support him. In this case, make an appointment at the school (with the parents' association or principal) to set out your grievances.